Why I Drink Shit Beer

Too many glasses of wine is typical with an expensive dinner. Ti many martoonis is ok when having a chicks night out. And a thick, dark, micro-brewed beer or four is cool when you can just chill. But some evenings call for something light, thin, not too alcoholic, and above all, familiar. I HATE getting hangovers. Every year I age, they become easier to acquire. So when I am settling in for the long haul, when I am drinking with people who drink fast and lots, I order shit beer. I have no idea how many I had last night. Lots. But I woke up feeling just fine. The other options spell trouble for me.

Wine drunk is fast, I get stupid, and I get hungover in the morning.
Gin also gives me a headache, usually before I even get to sleep.
Rum, tequila and whiskey drunks make me believe that I am always right.
Good beer makes my stomach churn & burn after too many. And I get full.

I think of excellent beer like, say, a good milkshake. I can absolutely LOVE a good milkshake, but it isn't appropriate for every time of day, or every place I go. Sometimes I just want an iced tea. I don't LOVE iced tea, but it has a purpose.

On some nights, I just know that there will be too many drinks going down the hatch, and depending on the company, or my plans for the following day, I plan my drinking accordingly. Shit beer is cheap. (Or at least cheaper than multiple cocktails.) It isn't heavy, I can keep myself from getting out of hand, and I know that if I go home at 2 am after drinking too many, I won't wake up feeling like a Mac truck ran me over.

So I say thanks to the makers of macro, light, tasteless, watery lagers. You made my morning not suck. And yes, I know what you are thinking. Shut up.